Destructive conflict often sends people spiraling downward in a negative cycle of me versus you. This creation of “other” is the basis of conflict escalation which allows one person or group to dehumanize the other which makes it “okay” to perpetrate everything from indignities to violence. Why does this happen?

What’s a BATNA and why do I need one?

The "Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement" dubbed a BATNA by authors Fisher & Ury. Why do you need one? If you are preparing to negotiate and you don’t know your alternatives you are more likely to agree to something you could regret.

The Blame Game: Fun to play, if you don’t want results

Most of us have been in a situation with a particularly difficult, frustrating person and found ourselves telling a friend, co-worker, or family member all about this jerk! How miserable they make our life, how if they would only change or go away, life would be better.

Managing Conflict in the Workplace

recently read an article about a survey conducted by an international consulting firm that concluded 85% of workers had experienced conflict on the job. My immediate response was that the other 15% were either in denial or had just been hired. I say this because if you are human, you will experience conflict. There is no getting around it.

“Panic to Action” Leads to Poor Results

When conflict hits it can feel like a crisis urging us to act quickly. That makes sense because adrenaline and other stress hormones flood our body and brain preparing us to take flight or fight. This can lead to heroic acts like lifting a car off a trapped person, but in our daily lives it more often leads to a panic to action that causes all kinds of bad decisions and outcomes.

Reflecting at APFM

I just returned from presenting "Mediation Mastery" at the Academy for Professional Family Mediators international conference in Denver, Colorado. The focus of the presentation was the importance of reflective practice--taking time while mediating and especially after to consider the positive and potentially negative impact of our presence and interventions for our clients.

Professional Boundaries

Boundaries are an important element of any relationship. When we know ourselves, we feel comfortable letting others know what we will and won't put up with. It's not something we have to announce loudly. It is just something that we honor internally and state as fact or act upon when needed.

Maintaining Two Levels of Awareness

As an excellent conflict responder (mediator, human resource professional, mental health counselor, attorney, etc.), you are always operating on two levels of awareness. You are aware of what is happening in your environment and you are aware of what is happening inside yourself.

Office Set-Up: Setting the Stage for Conflict Resolution

When thinking about resolving conflict, it is important to take into consideration the physical space. Subtle things like furniture arrangement and the color of walls can impact on the successful outcome of a conflict situation.

The Discomfort of Being “In-Between”

Last year I set a New Year’s resolution to try something new each month. My first experience was to climb a rock wall. A close, childhood friend, Jude, agreed to share the adventure. Two things surprised me: the amount of trust I had to have in my climbing partner (a.k.a. Belay) and my physical response to the fear of falling from the wall.

The Power of Reflection

I was on vacation in Florida enjoying a walk on the beach when I noticed a little boy about three years old. He was holding something in his hand which he had found in the water. “Adam,” he shouted.

Becoming a Mediator

As a trainer, particularly of family and divorce mediators, I often receive calls from people who want to become a mediator. What does it take to become a mediator, they ask? That depends... While I would like to give folks a straightforward answer, there is no one path to becoming a mediator.

What should I charge?

I've heard it more than once from fellow mediators, “I feel bad asking for money.”Some of my colleagues even want to give away their services for free. There is nothing wrong with considering the financial circumstances of a client, or even offering pro bono services to those in need, what I believe is wrong is feeling guilty for asking for payment for a valuable service.

Mediation is the process, not the content

When I think of the greatest gift a mediator offers to her clients, my mind goes immediately to the incredible opportunity for honest conversation. Creating a space which is safe enough for individuals to open up, to say how they feel, to share from their hearts, is a rare event in our culture.